Rambling PTSD thoughts

It’s common for PTSD sufferers to want to change things and to make big changes in their lives. This could be physical changes like changing jobs or moving, or changes in your beliefs.

I’ve always enjoyed the freshness of making changes, perhaps sometimes too much. To finish one chapter of my life and turn over a blank new page fills me with excitement; it can be scary excitement sometimes, but it’s always exciting. It feels good to make a complete clean wipe of the slate and move on. I’ve moved from one country to another several times, changed jobs and changed career.

After Sofia’s death I would have loved to pack up our life and move somewhere else. In particular not to have to see all the things we lovingly bought and made for her in the room we had transformed into the perfect nursery. I had the overwhelming sensation of going somewhere that didn’t have constant reminders of her and everything in our house did.

As soon as my hair started growing back I went from the long blondish hairstyle I’d had for several years to a short black bob. It’s difficult to explain how this made me feel better, but it did.

Your outlook on life can dramatically change because of PTSD. I’m now much less materialistic than I was before. I used to want to hold on to everything I could from the past and the thought of losing or throwing away these things horrified me. I still have notes I passed to friends during secondary school and other worthless objects which have great sentimental value to me. Now though, these things aren’t so important. I’ll always have my memories, and the people I love and who love me are what matters.

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