It’s been difficult not to be superstitious as we try to get pregnant, hoping that doing something will be the magic wand that grants our wish. It’s just me that thinks this way; Roberto is far too practical for such things.
Just before I discovered I was pregnant for the second time, walking to my weekly counselling session I spied a penny on the ground, picked it up and kept it in my coat pocket as my lucky penny. Every day I’d feel it in my pocket and think that it was going to bring me luck. And it did. I was pregnant. The baby’s due date was my birthday. I couldn’t have thought of a more perfect birthday present. It was meant to be.
About two weeks later I went to feel the coolness of the coin between my fingers, but it wasn’t there. I tried not to think too much about it, but a day or so later I awoke bleeding.
Another month and I thought it was fate because if I’d gotten pregnant it would have been on the exact same day as I had gotten pregnant with Sofia. Other months I thought it was the prefect time because we’d have a baby before the next Christmas came and it seemed so unfair to have to suffer yet another Christmas feeling that our family was incomplete.
New Year’s Eve and a friend gave me the champagne cork to keep as good luck for the coming year. And I still have it. I’ve also sold baby things thinking that might be the catalyst to falling pregnant.
Just last week I found another lucky penny, well two pence actually which might mean it has double the luck. This time to avoid losing it, I’ve put it in a little drawstring bag (the bag originally contained another lucky charm, a crystal bracelet in Sofia’s birth stone that I hoped might bring me some positivity and luck).
It’s probably not healthy to have these superstitions, but it’s impossible to find the right balance between being healthily positive and convincing myself too much that I then come crashing down.