Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity.
~ Henry Van Dyke (1852-1933)
I wrote a few months ago about time and how it’s too long for those of us grieving. And it’s also too slow for those of us trying to have another child.
As time passes, Sofia would have been older. I think about what she would look like now, the things we would have been doing with her and I wonder what her laugh would sound like.
As more time passes, more people around us are falling pregnant and having children. And why shouldn’t they? Friends who have children Sofia’s age are getting pregnant again and having more children; their families grow as we long for Sofia and desperately long for a sibling for her.
As more and more time passes, my biological clock ticks louder and louder. Before Sofia died I enjoyed being older, feeling more comfortable with who I was and feeling more confident. Getting older wasn’t completely all bad! But as a woman, an older woman having dificulties getting pregnant, every year, even every month that goes by means there are fewer opportunities remaining.
Time can both be your friend and your enemy, sometimes even within the same breath. I’ll try to focus on Henry Van Dyke’s last phrase – ‘for those who love, time is eternity.’