Knit your own womb

Yes, the title of this blog post means exactly what it says. There are no hidden meanings or witty word play. For all of you who have wanted to knit a womb, but thought to yourself ‘where on earth can I find a pattern?’, well you can get those knitting needles out right now.

Even if you have no desire to make a cuddly uterus (the designer calls it a cute, cuddly uterus doll), I’d urge you to look at the photos of it, especially the one hanging in the tree, although I don’t know why that position struck me as so strange while the first and third ones didn’t!

Happy knitting.

Fingers and toes crossed

The tests I did after our first consultation at the private fertility clinic weren’t good news. I was assuming I’d be put into the borderline category (lower fertility but still some time left) which is the only category they advise IVF for. But I was unprepared for the test results to be so low.

Bloody hell. I’d spent the months following my miscarriage in December getting the courage and a bit more strength to face the possibility of IVF, and now that choice had been taken from me.

The results also surprised the consultant, mainly based on the fact that I’d been pregnant only a few months before and my cycle still being very regular. It just doesn’t add up.

The suggested course of action was to try IUI again. Since I’ve had a ‘successful’ IUI, when the percentage of success is very low (something like 10%), we should feel more positively that it will work again. So I started my fourth double course of Clomid, taking it at night again to hopefully avoid any side effects.

The difference between doing IUI privately as opposed to the NHS is that the weekend is exactly the same as a weekday and the timing of the procedure is more precise, rather than when they have time to do it. I had a scan on Friday to see how things were progressing. I had another scan on Saturday and again on Sunday. While it was a bit annoying going back and forth every day, I felt very taken care of and liked the attention to detail.

Sunday I had my shot of Pregnyl (which is the dried urine of pregnant women… I’ll give you a moment to contemplate that…) which triggers ovulation approximately 36 hours later. The other times Roberto injected me which let me be a complete baby, although he is fabulous at giving injections. This time I had to be brave as the stinging solution entered my leg.

We had the procedure on Monday. It’s a strange experience sitting in the waiting room with other couples waiting to do the same thing, watching men being called and not wanting to know what they’re about to do, wondering why everyone else seems to look incredibly relaxed as if they’re only waiting to board a flight and wondering if they’re thinking the same thing about me.

I AM feeling very positive, even if I’m also feeling quite impatient for the two weeks to pass. My counsellor suggested not only doing things that help me relax over the next fortnight, but also some fun things, and not to put life on hold as we wait.

So I’m enjoying life and relaxing as I’m keeping my fingers and toes and legs and arms crossed.

Mum’s instinct saved ‘dead’ baby

Michael and Melissa Redmond at home with their son Michael aged 13 weeks old. ©belfasttelegraph.co.uk

An Irish hospital mistakenly told a pregnant woman she had miscarried, giving her Cytotec and arranging a D&C procedure. Thankfully the mother’s instinct told her to get a second opinion from her GP and Michael was born in March this year. Melissa Redmond and her husband Michael want to highlight the failures of Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda, Ireland. It’s also another example of the importance of taking control of your pregnancy.

Read the Belfast Telegraph article.

Effective visualisation

I’ve gotten back to using visualisation. In the past I’d used this technique to improve my music performances and much later, leading up to Sofia’s birth, to calm my fears and feel more confident about labour. No doubt it was a normal response for me to stop using visualisation after Sofia died.

But I’ve come back to the technique and am now using it to feel less stressed. I never considered using it as a relaxation method before, just believing it was helping me to improve my performance and boost my confidence. Yet I’ve discovered it relaxes me very quickly and easily.

I visualise myself floating in the sea at a marvellous real beach in my homeland. The water is crystal clear and calm, there’s the slightest of breezes cooling the warm air and I hear the occasional bird cry. As I visualise floating, my body being supported by the water, I feel lighter; the delicate movement of the water in my mind relaxes all my limbs.

A few minutes of initial deep breathing helps my visualisation be more effective more quickly. It’s understandable that the more relaxed I am to start with, the easier it is to relax even more.

I also use a keyword to help trigger or guide my mind and body to the visualisation. I use the name of the beach, but really the word could be anything. It’s very effective, even helping me to enjoy some moments of relaxation while standing up on the train going to work (I allow my body to be swayed by the movement of the train and imagine the swaying movement as waves). Roberto knows my keyword and has said it to me when I’ve seemed stressed.

Visualisation is another tool to help with stress and depression, and it doesn’t have to only be a solitary way to healing.