When a friend is in trouble…

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

~ Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937)


Let Memories Surround You (Happy 6th Birthday Sofia)

Feel no guilt in laughter,
For they know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile
That they’re not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever–
They would not want you to.
They’d hope that you would carry on
The way you always do.
So talk about the good times
And the ways you showed you cared,
The days you spent together,
All the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you;
A word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture
A time, an hour, a day,
That brings them back as clearly
As though they were still here,
And fills you with the feelings
That they are always near.
For if you keep those moments,
You will never be apart,
And they will live forever….
Locked safe within your heart.

~ Author unknown

Yesterday, the 11th of February 2014, should have been Sofia’s 6th birthday. Six… I struggle to believe that I have been a grieving mother for six years. I can’t but help look at other little six-year-old girls and wonder…

This was the first year I woke up with my grief alone (hubby being away on a work trip). Every year when January is over and February is staring straight at me I have no idea how I’ll be.

Ironically it’s the days I think I’m doing ok that I then realise I’m getting upset about anything and everything very quickly.

When hubby called me mid-morning to see how I was, I was right in the middle of crying and I’d been crying on and off all morning. I’ve definitely cried an ocean, not just a river, over the years.

Hubby and I usually struggle to say comforting words to each other (that is one of the horrible sides of grieving together), and usually he says words to the effect of ‘don’t cry’ before correcting himself (wouldn’t we all prefer if nobody cried?). Yesterday though  he said he wanted to cry and that he feared if there was ever a year which we didn’t cry for Sofia’s birthday then it would be like we’d forgotten her.

Let the memories of your loved one surround you. Allow those memories to stir up any emotions, whether laughter, sadness, peace or grief. Be kind to yourself and let yourself mourn in the way you need to. Be kind to others who are grieving and let them mourn in the way they need to.

Happy sixth birthday my darling x

Gorgeous baby photography

Looking at Maria Murray’s gorgeous photos of newborns makes me wish Nicholas was still this small! Guaranteed to put a large smile on your face…

Grief is not a mental illness

Grief following the death of a loved one isn’t a mental illness that requires the help of psychiatrists and antidepressants, according to editors of The Lancet, who oppose “medicalizing” an often healing response to overwhelming loss…

“Grief is not an illness; it is more usefully thought of as part of being human and a normal response to the death of a loved one.” … for the majority of the bereaved, “doctors would do better to offer time, compassion, remembrance and empathy, than pills.”

Read more…


Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
Don’t worry about making me cry,
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You ask me how I am doing.
I say “pretty good” or “fine”
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

~ Elizabeth Dent

Four years

To my darling Sofia,

Four years have passed since you drew your last breath.
Four years that seem both like an eternity and only a moment ago.
Four years my arms have ached to hold you, my nose longing for your sweet smell, my ears desperate to hear you cry.
Always my gorgeous baby, in my heart, in my thoughts, in my soul.

Lots of love,
Mummy xxxx

Looking back

I didn’t write any posts here about being pregnant before Nicholas was born. There were a few reasons for this; one of them was not wanting to ‘jinx’ anything. I’ve already written about doing superstitious things while claiming not to be superstitious at all (and by the way I still have the champagne cork, and kept the two pence in my bag throughout my successful pregnancy). It’s the things you do to get you through.

I have written posts but not published them yet, my thoughts and feelings getting through another pregnancy while hoping with all my  might to be able to bring a baby home from the hospital. I will post them (when Nicholas gives me time!).