Crying a river

So take a good look at my face
You’ll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

~ Smokey Robinson and The Miracles

There are days I want to scream, ‘I’m tired of crying!’ I’ve cried enough tears for a lifetime. In the middle of the night on my pillow, under the shower, sitting in what should have been Sofia’s room.

I used to be very good at keeping all my emotions inside and would never have contemplated crying in public. Now if I’m walking along the street and I feel like crying I don’t care what other people may think.

At Sofia’s funeral I did keep all my tears inside. Very tightly inside. But as soon as I got inside the car to go the grave, I threw myself on Roberto and howled. I howled like I’d never howled before. The tears and the anguish of a grieving mother. It passed and at the grave I wiped other peoples’ tears away.